Three months ago, I typed five letters that changed everything: IWNDWYT. I Will Not Drink With You Today. I found the phrase scrolling through Reddit at 2 AM, nursing what would become my last hangover. Something about those words stuck. Not "I'll never drink again" – that felt impossible. Just today. I could handle today.
The first week was exactly what I expected. Restless nights staring at the ceiling. Hands that didn't know what to do at 6 PM when I'd usually reach for that first glass. The wine aisle at the grocery store suddenly seemed to glow with magnetic force. But I kept typing those five letters every morning, sometimes to strangers online, sometimes just to myself in my journal.
The Physical Transformation
What I didn't expect was what happened next. Around day 10, I woke up before my alarm. Not the usual groaning, head-pounding wake-up, but actually awake. Alert. The morning fog I'd accepted as part of adult life had lifted. By day 20, I was falling asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow instead of the usual hour of tossing and turning.
The physical changes were just the beginning. My Saturday mornings transformed from recovery sessions into actual mornings. I started hiking – something I'd always claimed I'd do "someday." Turns out someday arrives pretty quickly when you're not spending half your weekend horizontal on the couch. I discovered farmers markets, morning yoga classes, and that my neighborhood has incredible sunrise views I'd never seen.
Mental Clarity Returns
But the real surprise was the mental clarity. Around day 30, I realized I hadn't felt anxious in over a week. That low-level hum of worry that followed me everywhere had gone quiet. Work presentations that used to require liquid courage became just... presentations. Social events I thought would be torture without a drink turned out to be more enjoyable when I could actually remember the conversations.
The money was another shock. I'd never considered myself a big spender on alcohol – just a bottle of wine here, a few drinks out there. But when I calculated it after 60 days, I'd saved over $600. That's a plane ticket. A weekend trip. Three months of gym membership. Money I'd been literally pouring down my throat.
The Challenging Days
Not every day has been easy. Day 37 was brutal when my team landed a huge project and everyone celebrated with champagne. Day 54 tested me when I ran into my ex at a bar where I was meeting friends. Day 71 hit hard when I got news about a family health scare. Each time, I wanted to drink. Each time, I typed those five letters instead.
What keeps me going isn't perfection – it's progress. It's waking up every morning knowing exactly what happened the night before. It's the pride in my mom's voice when she mentions how good I look. It's the group of internet strangers who became real support, checking in when I go quiet, celebrating my small wins like they're Olympic medals.
Real Freedom
90 days ago, I thought sobriety meant giving something up. I was half right – I gave up hangovers, anxiety, and about 15,000 empty calories. But what I gained? Freedom. Real, unexpected, life-changing freedom. The freedom to be present. To remember. To feel everything – good and bad – without numbing it away.
Today marks 90 days. I'm not naive enough to think the journey is over. Addiction doesn't care about day counts. But for today, just today, IWNDWYT. And tomorrow? I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time got me this far. It'll take me wherever I'm going next.
If You're Starting Your Journey
If you're reading this from your own 2 AM scrolling session, wondering if you can do this – you can. Not forever. Just today. Find your community, whether it's online strangers or close friends. Track the small wins. Notice the changes, even the tiny ones. And remember: IWNDWYT. Those five letters might just change everything for you too.